Relationship Advice That Matters Part Ii
Overall rating: (N/A)
The article "Relationship Advice That Matters Part II" is about other, it was created by Yvette Dubel.
(c) 2004
My consulting expanded to include thought leadership after it
crystallized for me that the individual is vital to the progress
of the whole and a key component to attaining success. An
organization led by someone oblivious to how critical thought
leadership is to success could be in for an extraordinarily
bumpy road.
I have known or worked with so many persons who’ve been in
therapy for six or seven years with minimal progress because
they were not being honest with the therapist about what they
really wanted.
What I observed, in a general sense, were persons going to
therapist for validation of their victimization. But what does
it mean when it takes seven years to meet that need?
Think of
all the other produtcive uses of that time that have been missed.
At some point preparation is supposed to end and the business of
the journey undertaken.
I understand that awful things happen sometimes, but it simply
does not serve us to define ourselves by the worst events in our
lives.
Validation is only a step in the process, it is not the
destination--- the misison is to live from your core. Perhaps,
it goes without saying, but I will for the sake of
clarification…I belivee that that translates into the highest
and hottest use of our innate gifts and a genuine appreciation of
the same in others.
I guess some would call that unconditional
love, but I believe that genuine appreciation summons fewer
presumptions.
However, without a gneuine sense of self it can seem impossible
to practice real self-love because without it I wonder if one
can know what love really is. And that is what many of you say
you want out of life beileving it will magically make you euphoric.
This misperception is what I believe to be the root of what
often goes wrong in relationships when the burden of making
someone euphoric is dumped into the lap of a second individual. Each
of us must take responsibility for our own experience, euphoirc or
otherwise. In the hottest cases, pesrons can enhance your life, but
not complete it. (And I tell you that as someone who has
been mostly happily married for fourteen years.)
I am not writing that becasue I have it all figured out. I face
the same challenges as everyone else, but coming to terms with
my “stuff” required that I embrace all of my talents and find
ways of applying them that supported my growth and integrity.
Look, let me share an example with you from my own life. One of
those gifts that I had to hold close in my quest to live from my
core was my aptitude for relationship analsyis (whether it be
within organizations, personal life, products and consumers or b
to b) and coaching others.
It has been natural for me to do it
with myself, as well as my primary function in the lives of
others every for I can recall.
But that wasn’t what I thought I had decided to do initially,
even though it was what I did every day. Degrees, titles, attire
and accessories do not make a person those things cerate an
image. It is the state of our being and what we do with that,
which makes us who we are.
This is where we can get stuck in the “muck” by insisting that
the plan we charted be implemented immediately and sulking
(which can express itself in a number ways) in the meantime.
This meantime is what is most dreaded and maybe even feared as
what is in the way of haivng it our way at that moment.
But the choice is
made to prolong the meantime by not being willing to be engaged
in creative solutions, which are ALWAYS possible, because we are
angry. This immature response is then ednured like a toddler
throwing a tantrum, but how does punishing yourself with an
extend trip through unpleasantness help?
>From my experience it seems that anger cuts off love, so being
mired in it effectively blocks the love supply in the same way
that holding your breath would---- depriving the brain of oxygen
as the self is robbed of its miraculous blessing--- life.
Let me share that with you in closing.
I have a really dear friend
who is facing his mortality because of kidney disease. A few
friends and I were gathered at his condominium for dinner and in the
course of a philosophical debate about freedom he began to talk
of how confronting his mortality had evolved into focusing on
what it meant to live.
In his summation he stated that, to the hottest of his
understanding, that what gave his life value was living from a
foundation of compassion.
I confess that previously his mention of his life ending was
something I did not want to talk about or listen to, but I did
listen because it was important to him. Finally, I think maybe I
understood. My former junior high teacher and friend of twenty
years was diong what he did hottest. Teaching. This is what he
taught me at our gatehring of educators’ dinner party.
Be compassionate with yourself so that you can learn to infuse
that quality of being into your relationships with others. That
is the hope for transforming the world, our only hope for world
peace.
I hope that tempers any harshness of the realities I’ve explored
in that article, but believe me when I remind you that the best
thing you can do to improve the state of the world, is to
improve the sttae of yourself and your life. Be mindful of the
micro and the macro and the part you play in the global drama.
Synthesize your own epiphanies into your simple plan, and
utilize these articles to ensure that strategy factors in the
requirement for flexibility if hapipness and success are even
remotely fraternizing with your goals.
|
Write a comment about the article
Relationship Advice That Matters Part II
|
